Name the monkey

He is my only avid reader. He is my fan. He is my friend. He is - MY MONKEY! (Mind your mind from making random imaginations. My Monkey actually only means a monkey. No pervert connotations when reading this blog please!) Please refer end of the post for his real name.

For such a wasteful blog with a total 3 readers, the monkey has a lot of patience to sit on the homepage 24x7. Not only does he spend countless hours fantasizing that a hot girl would once read these posts (actually it's me who does that), but he also tries to be funny with such lines:

• "Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?" - How do you know it doesn't? Ever tried fitting inside one?
  
• "If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?"- Well, maybe cos you are a monkey and monkeys don't have guns!
• "What's another word for thesaurus?" -  Szechuanorambosaurus! Wanna bet?

 

He also asks a few cheap questions which you feel compelled to answer.

• "Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?" - You don't need to save face monkey, you already are very ugly and we know it.
• "Why are cows milked from the right side?" - Same reason why you always scratch only your left arm-pit.
• "Why did God give men nipples?" - Now, really!

Then there are a few that nobody understands.

• "If you were driving at the speed of light, and you switched on the head-lights; what will happen?" -  Dude, you think you can have me by talking about science?When I drive at the speed of light, nobody is ahead of me. So I don't need the head-lights.
• "If you tried to prove Murphy's law many times, would something go wrong?" - Yes. Murphy could feel bad.
• "If you don't repair your brakes right away should you make your horn louder?" - No, you should take a cab.
  

So the moral of the story my friends is that if on a gloomy day, you happen to land on this no-sense-making-URL* and you look to the right of any post and there is this ugly swollen face snobbing away to glory asking you a ridiculous question as any of the above, don't ignore him! Don't just hit F5! Think hard.Give him an equally annoying and ridiculous reply.

(*fyi, FREE-CHANCER is a rhyme for freelancer. But the real meaning is...well, even I am figuring out yet. Maybe monkey can help!)

Name the monkey - I thought for a long time. After having been severely impressed by the many suggestions; I hereby name the monkey - CHOMULAL !

Jinhe Naaz Hai...

Mera Naam Bilqis Yakub Rasul

Mujhse Hui Bas Ek Hi Bhul

Ki Jab Dhundte The Vo Ram Ko

To Main Khadi Thi, Raah Mein

Pehle Ek Ne Puchha Na Mujhe Kuch Pata Tha

Duje Ko Mera Yehi Jawab Tha

Itno Ne Puchha Ki Mera Abb Sawal Hai Ki

Jinhe Naaz Hai Hind Par Vo Kahan The

Jinhe Naaz Hai Vo Kahan Hai?

I just stood watching as they

brought the bricks of my belief to bite dust

In the name of a God I didn't know,

for reasons I never understood.

There is no religion among animals. They have no God.

And when those animals butchered my family, I just stood watching!

Mera Naam Shriman Satyendra Dubey 

Jo Kehna Tha woh Keh Chukey

Ab Padeh Hain Rah Mein

Dil Mein Liye ek Goli

Bas Itna Kasur Ki Hamne Likha Tha

Vo Sach Jo Har Kisi Ki Zuban Tha

Par Sach Yahan Ho Jatey Hain Zahriley

Jinhe Naaz Hai Hind Par Vo Kahan The

Jinhe Naaz Hai Vo Kahan Hain?

 

Mujhe Kehte Hain Anna Manjunath

Maine Dekhi Bhatakti Ek Laash

Zamir Ki Beech Sarhak Lakhimpur Kherhi

Adarsh Phasan Jahan Naaron Mein

Aur Chor Bharey Darbaron Mein

Vahan Maut Ek lakh Ki Hai Ek Khabar Baasi

I just stood watching when millions slept hungry

When a 5-year old's modesty was filched

When my leaders sold-out

And when a soldier was back-stabbed

I just stood watching!

(Marathi)

Mazha Nau Aahe Navleen Kumar

Unnees Unnees Unnees Unnees
Unnees Baar

Looto Dehaat Kholo Bazaar
Nallasopara Aur Virar
Chheeno Zameen Hamse Hamein
Bhejo Pataal

Jinhe Naaz Hai Hind Par Vo Kahan The

Jinhe Naaz Hai Vo Kahan Hain?

I could have been a soldier or a cop

A politician or a philanthropist

Atleast a good citizen

But I am none!

Because I have just stood watching!

Am I really proud to be an Indian?

P.S. The original lyrics were written by Sahir for a Gurudutt film. This video and the above lyrics are a beautiful rendition done by Rabbi.
(Notice the use of our National Anthem in the verse!)